rachetwriting (rachetwriting) wrote,

A Year.

So I never EVER check my livejournal, because there is something kind of narcissistic about it (since I am the only person who reads it anyways. I think all of my friends gave up their accounts a long time ago). However as fate would have it, this week makes exactly a year since I have updated my journal. A year ago I was working for the Chemistry Department and since it's May..let's see...I would have been closing down the previous graduates and putting their files away in "non-active" and prepping for the international students' incoming. It takes a lot of government paperwork and I have to find them housing. That sounds pretty boring.

This year in my I have just turned in my thesis and must defend it on Tuesday. I still have to write one more paper and finish up some classwork in order to get my degree on time so I can prep for starting IArts in the Fall. Somewhat less boring.

Unfortunately today was not a very encouraging day. Actually this has been a very discouraging week that has made me miss my old job very much. There I could write plays and design costumes and read books practically whenever I wanted. I made a freaking costume database and designed a theater for goodness sake (complete with coffee shop...don't ask)!! Now it just feels like the unclimbable mountain. Like it wouldn't matter how hard I tried I wouldn't be able to be satisfied with my work. But instead of saying "who cares!" and going out with my friends (all two of them) I am going to read a theory book or maybe catch up on my plays.

You know what I keep thinking about? The beginning of senior year. Before the Cabaret fiasco. Before Dance Concert and the trouble. Before Emily. I think about going dancing with the girls and John at the Foam Dance and really letting loose. Laughing hard and feeling really alive (and if you have ever been to a good foam dance, you know your life is always slightly in danger). I think about my first date with Cody and how I had a panic attack before I left. You see, I was 21 and had never really kissed someone. Not really. I feel like Cody should send you a thank-you note or something. And that was an awesome concert. Oh the blood in the crowd. And a really REALLY good first kiss. I've been coming back for more ever since. And for some reason that I can not explain, I really miss Frank. He kind of became this point of eagerness for me. He was eager to speak to me and willing to listen, even if he did stare at my breasts alot. Somehow it was the first time I had ever felt sexy and smart/respected at the same time. Who would have thought Frankie had that kind of capacity? Not me, that's for sure. Always a surprise that one. Not as surprising as Courtney, though. So many layers to that one, and I had only scratched the surface before we were parted forever, it seems. Same with Jen (JP). So much there, so little time...much of it wasted on schoolwork.

These are only the things that have recently struck me. There are a great deal more that kind of linger in the back of my mind all the time, but hopefully they will never need to make it on paper because I will never forget them. Graduate school, it seems, has lost its childhood. No one knows how to have a good time anymore. I want my Spring Breaks back.
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